Snow Days

As a child I never remember having a snow day. Since I rarely saw snow, I loved it! My mom covered our hands with socks, a bread sack, then another sock to keep them dry, then the same with our feet. It rarely even got cold enough for a jacket so we never had snow pants, boots, gloves, or hats.

When my children were small, I took them out to play every time it snowed. I even went sledding with a nine month old and made some wonderful memories. Maybe that is why she is still such a fearless dare devil — hmmmm, more pondering. However my passion for snow much fun began to diminish when my kids were home from school repeatedly because of snow.

So far this year, I’ve seen snow at least a dozen times and its not even February yet. Why chat about snow? Adults rarely get snow days. Snow happens during the darkest and bleakest of days. Snow gets messy, ices over, and makes people drive crazy, at least where I live. It gets really cold especially at night and creating the need for shelter. If there is a warm day after a snow, fog happens making driving even more treacherous. Winter even brings more sickness. Snow interrupts our schedules and plans.

This bleakness of days sometimes overwhelms us. We are tired of winter and ready for spring! We want to see those green shoots and more sunlight. Winter seems to last forever. The beauty is this: no matter how cold it is or how much snow layers the ground there are dormant seeds waiting for warmth and light. There lies our hope.

We have this same hope with our prodigals. No matter how far our loved ones walk away from God the seeds of salvation and restoration have been planted. Bless the snow days Lord, winter never lasts.

Days of Silence

Sometimes we go through times of silence. These seasons of our souls are much like winter. Have you ever noticed how silent the world becomes when the snow is falling? Deep places of silence in our lives are like snow days. Everything under the sky gets covered in pure unmarred whiteness.  Snow covers everything.

In the deepest cold, animals retreat or hibernate.
Humans don’t hibernate, we retreat and isolate ouselves.
Life gives us really tough days sometimes.
On the surface, we can make it appear all is well.
Chores are done. Errands are taken care of. Meals get fixed. Clothes washed, beds made, and at work as scheduled.
We function, yet
Underneath
the insides of our souls are silent

Like snow covers the earth our souls seem frozen and stuck.
The emotions and mind know something is not right and needs to change,
Yet just like falling snow, there is silence.

In this silence there are memories.
There are also thoughts of future days.
We wonder what we did to cause the silence.
We wonder if and when our souls will ever play again.
Life is tough but no one really knows how deeply it affects us.

I am reminded of those Bible vereses that tell us to “be still and know that I am God”.
He will “hide me in the cleft of the rock” and “cover” me as “a hen hides it’s chicks”.

Yet days of silence continue
Sometimes these days become weeks
Weeks turn into months and months into years
The years unleash our tears and make us wonder if we will ever find joy again

I don’ t do “just exist” well
I never have
As a child I read voraciously to escape my present
As an adult I had my children – work- projects – and crafts to occupy my mind
BUT NEVER MY SOUL!

Do we sit at Jesus’ feet like Mary of old?
Do we retreat until there is no mention of our existence like the prodigal’s mother?
Do we go forth valiently and do good inspite of Naboth like Abigail did?
Do we force our situation instead of waiting on God like Rebekah forced her desire when she helped Jacob decieve his father into giving him the blessing that belonged to his brother?
Do we trust God in our days of silence?
Truly?

Are we trusting God with the process and cycle of emotions like we trust him with the seasons?
Or are we fighting every step of the way?

Is the quietness a curse or a protector?

I am reminded of the verse in the Bible that says “though my sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow”.

Snow covers everything – indiscriminately
the Ugly becomes pristine
Do we let God cover us and trust the process?

Days of silence might seem endless
But if we trust what we understand about the seasons
Slowly yet surely we will see bare trees bud again

Snow protects, covers, and waters the ground
as it melts, it thaws and warms roots of seemingly dead things, allowing them to grow
Trust the process
Those things hidden in our hearts and souls will grow
Just not today
Today is silent

A Mother’s Heart

Mother’s carry many things in their hearts.  We start the first moment we realize we are becoming a mother and never really ever stop. In the beginning, we are filled with excitement about this new life growing inside of us.  We wonder who this child will be – boy or girl? Then we wonder if they will be healthy, smart, and perfect in every way.  After our first child is finally here, we never expect the onslaught to our senses or how zombified we become from lack of sleep.  How can just one tiny baby turn our world so upside down so quickly?  I cannot tell you how it happens, just that it does.  This child beomes the center of our universe in about 3 seconds and there is nothing we won’t do or endure for them.

Our babies turn into toddlers and start learning how to progress from helpless into all of the “I do it myself” stages of life.  As they master each stage, we are right there encouraging them,  cheering, and comforting their wounded bodies or feelings.  We are the mom and cherish them with our whole heart.  I loved the Lord, but never really understood His love for me until my children were born.   

When our children are born, we have hopes up to the stars for them.  We are filled with the highest expectations, hopes, and dreams.  We would give our lives for our children.  This is  kind of like God shedding his blood for us on Calvary to save us from our sins.  Sins are our failures.  Unfortunately the downside to parenting is no matter how intently we teach our children, they ultimately decide what to do with it.  When a toddler is kicking and screaming, they are still small enough to tuck under our arm and move them to where we want them to be.  Everything changes when they start to outweigh us and get taller.  Sometimes it is even more difficult when they become adults.  At this point all we can do is pray and hope all the things we have hidden in our hearts and shared with our children will prosper.  We want them to choose a life that will take them to heaven!!

When our children choose detours, our mother’s heart can be overwhelmed.  As my friends shared their hearts with me, I began to look for information about the Prodigal son’s mother.  Her story is silent.  I did find moments in the Bible where mothers  hid things in their hearts.  This is especially true when it wasn’t time yet.  When Mary found Jesus in the temple at age 12 discussing scripture, she hid the moment in her heart.  It was another 18 years before Jesus’ ministry began.  Mothers have a multitude of emotions and memories hidden in our hearts.   

The things we want to hide in our hearts are those precious moments we shared with our children that bring hope.  Keep praying and ask God to remove any people, things, or situations that stand between our children and Him.  Remember those wonderful things you planted in their hearts when they were young and know God is able.  While the ultimate choice is theirs, believe God will make the difference.   If your children are still young enough to tuck under your arm, share your relationship with the Lord with them. Share all the wonderful things you love about he Lord.  Then stand back and ponder while God does the work He does so well.  It just might not be time yet.
~D

A Piece of Heaven

To say I got distracted would be an understatement. I wrote my first post while housebound with pnuemonia, in between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Although in theory, I have had plenty of time in all the days after to continue my thoughts, penning them became the alternate defintion of ghost writer. So once again, I have hidden all these things in my heart.

As my wellness and the season progressed, I resumed my “sandwiched” life of caring for my grandchildren as needed after school and my aging father-in-law. Until last August, this amazing 92 year old man, still lived alone, worked out 5 days a week, played quitar and vibes at his band jobs, worked at his church doing repairs and still maintained a social life of dining with friends. I sincerely hope I am half as active when I reach that age. As designated driver for most of his errands and all his doctor appointments, I watch him slowly decline and know his time with us is getting shorter.

While I have this wonderful sandwich of the Grands and the Great, I make sure the two blend as often as possible. With the Grands, I am beginning to become Ms Meemaw’s taxi service. We have practices to attend and games to watch. Basket balls need dunking, soccer balls need kicking, and footballs must be conveyed into the end zone for victories! BFF’s must be attended to at least 57 times daily also! Although my heart is ever with these Grand delights, I physically cannot attend all their wonderful events. I have my own things to take of at home and at my job. So I am continually torn between what I must do and want to do.

I want to be the Proverbs 31 woman!! I want to manage my home spotlessly, cook fantastic meals everytime, make precious blankets for every newborn at church, sew, knit, crochet, read, and delight my family in every way. To put the icing on the cake, I want to be as Mary sitting in worship at the feet of Jesus deeply worshipping. This would truly be a piece of heaven.

Yet life goes on. My house is spotless, at least 6 times a year. I even manage to produce a “fantastic” meal, just not daily. I do what I can when I can and it is enough. After two very bad falls, my father-in-law returned to his maker. We celebrated his homegoing on what would have been their 67th anniversary. Life indeed goes on. We work through our grief, celebrate our joys, and cherish our times as family. As the mother of adult children, I never get the quality time I desire with my kids. I do however get every minute I desire to sit at my Masters feet. When I was younger, I always thought it was about following the “rules”. Now that I am wiser, I understand it is really about relationship. No matter what comes my way, I am able to persevere as long as I stay centered. I choose to be centered on my piece of heaven here and whatever Jesus wants for me to have in heaven when this life is over.

D~

God has no Grandchildren!

Wow!  I just spent 20 minutes talking from my heart and “my computer” dumped it all!

I wonder, was it a computer glitch or God saying REFOCUS?  Hmmmm, I wonder.

I created this blog to share my faith, one of the most priceless and dearest gifts of my life.  Probably the most frustrating part of my life is my inability to convey to others just how precious and vital my faith is to my being.  Now I have grandchildren and am seeking ways to impart my faith to them.

There are epoch moments in my life, engraved in my brain and soul, that I can take you to with words.  These moments either by my choices or God’s hand, have made me who I am today. The Bible talks about Mary, the mother of Jesus, pondering moments in her heart.  I too, ponder.  Life gives us incredible moments that take our breath away and other moments that make us question our deepest being.  Live long enough and you will experience every emotion from joy to grief. I hope to share some of these moments and hopefully my faith will add to your journey.

Which brings me back to God and Grandchildren.  We receive an instruction sheet or manual for everything we own, except our children.  They come into our lives and we have such high hopes for them.  As life progresses and day to day events unwind, we start to adjust our expectations.  I have always believed in standards and had certain expectations for behavior ever since I was a child.  These were not taught to me as I had no positive or consistent role models.  I learned very young to look to God for help whenever I had a question.  God and I discussed myself many times.  I tried to apply this method to my children, but as they so often tell me, they are not like me.  My higher calling also makes me more introspective than most,  so I am very aware.

How do we impart our faith or the things we hold most precious to our children?  When they are little. it is so easy.  You can tuck a toddler under your arm kicking and screaming and take them anywhere you want them to go.  Teenagers are tougher to move, but parents still have some leverage on their choices.  By the time these tiny helpless beings become adults, you are finished.  All I can do as a parent is love mine as they make their own choices.  Believe me, if asked, I have something to say!  As I said before, my children are not like me, so they rarely ask what I think (laugh break).

Here I am – pondering and wondering: just how do I convey the depth of and preciousness of my faith to my children?  Then I realized, God has no Grandchildren!

God has no grandchildren because every person and every generation has to find Him for themselves.  Sometimes this means a prodigal’s journey – remember I said something earlier about adjusting expectations.  A wise person once said, “Some of us learn from others and the rest of us are the others” (source unknown).  As my heart ponders, I wonder.

D~